Friendship is important to any human being as a social creature, people with autism are no exception. Autism affects a person’s ability to interact, understand others & express themselves. Social communication is challenging for them because of the different perceptions of spheres of social norms for different types of people, as well as not realizing the appropriate amount of personal space with others.
In addition, a person within this spectrum also has sensory issues related to sound, touch, light, smell & taste, and they’re more sensitive than their neurotypical counterpart. Also, they’re assumed to not having friends & not interested in forging any kind of friendships, but wrong.
They actually want friends, just don’t know-how. People with autism also have a hard time at opening up to others and tend to be lonelier than their neurotypical counterparts, which causes depression & anxiety. This is caused by overstimulation, difficulties at focusing, as well as anxiety & uncertainty, which makes them feel ignored.
There are benefits of friendships, such as enabling the person to learn how to deal with other types of personalities & other viewpoints of life which helps them to learn different ways people think, act & speak, give him/her sense of purpose & belonging that makes him/her feel valued, wanted & important, make lasting memories from activities spent with a friend, distract him/her from gadgets (TVs, smartphones, video games, etc), improve his/her skills, from problem-solving, socialization, communication, leadership, manners & imagination. However, as I mentioned in my previous article, people with this disorder struggle with socializing with other people, hence their difficulties in having friends.
There are reasons why someone within this spectrum struggles with friendships, such as the fact that he/she may not know what to say/how to stay that makes it hard to start conversations, struggle at understanding body language, facial expression & gestures, having anxiety in social situations due to high expectations from others, rigidity in which he/she has difficulties to compromise & cope with changes in routines, lack of confidence in his/her own abilities, having negative experiences at making friends in which he/she has a hard time of moving on, stereotyping/labeling of someone with ASD that makes it hard for others to be open-minded & understanding of them, the tendency of appearing too friendly, as well as a struggle at understanding his/her own emotions.
People with autism also have difficulties processing social information efficiently, which hampers his/her progress of deep friendships. As a person within this spectrum, I feel all the pain of having difficulties at maintaining & developing friendships that’s worth keeping for a long time, especially with neurotypicals and the school environment that encourages conformity.
Some of the tips that help develop a friendship with someone with autism, such as giving the person time to respond to a question, be encouraging and compassionate to him/her, learn about his/her favorite interests, games & hobbies & find hobbies that are in common, not being offended by his/her lack of eye contact, motor tics, & lack of understanding personal boundaries.
Understand the fact that people with ASD likes routines & schedules, be aware of his/her tendency of speaking about his/her favorite topics, avoid talking with idioms/slangs since they think literally, nudge him/her gently and prompt him/her to get back on topic/spend too much on a topic, suggest him/her to talk about something else, empathize & understand the sensory issues (sound, light, smell, touch, taste, etc) he/she has difficulties dealing with, pick quiet & uncluttered location for meetings/business interactions to help them focus & minimize distractions.
I am not talking about the person in front of him/her, be aware of his/her needs and how he/she should improve/behave, help them with his/her social skills by engaging him/her in conversations with others, give him/her social hints to build up his/her confidence & support him/her, don’t jump in & make choices for him/her in a social situation, don’t incolce him/her in an uncomfortable situations.
It takes some time to get to know him/her, accept him of who he/she is, talk straight to the point to him/her, recognize the fact that his/her brain is wired differently, ask the person how he /she feels & don’t judge him/her from his/her tone of voice & social expression, ask him/her the preferred method of communicating, understand how his/her ASD symptoms affect him/her, tell the person if he/she angers you & don’t agree with you, respect his/her need for down time.
Don’t force him/her to have a hug with you & get involved in plenty of social interactions, listen to the subjects he/she wants to discuss & research about his/her interests, consider the fact that the person will go all-out when doing something because it drives him/her to accomplish incredible feats, say exactly what you mean & what you need to the person, respect & understand his/her need for stimming (rocking, tapping hands/feet, twirl hair, etc) to self-regulate emotional & sensory input.
consider his/her difficulties at knowing when to talk in which he/she might interrupt, look past the person’s word choice & consider what he/she’s trying to tell you, understand the fact that he/she likes big words & tell the whole truth, talk through things that the person doesn’t understand & bother him/her, remind the person several times about upcoming events, meetings, deadlines & dates due to his/her struggles with organization, avoid small talks, treat the person as someone with hopes, needs, feelings & desires, understanding the things that make the person go haywire, & give the benefit of doubt that he/she’s not intentionally being rude/hostile if he/she says something off-topic.
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