Having relationships, whether it is friendly or romantic relationships, is important for human beings as social creatures. Like any human being, people with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) want relationships with friends and have someone to be their life partners, but most people think they lack interest in any relationship.
People within this spectrum communicate in a different way & have a hard time expressing their needs & desires, since they have difficulties with picking up traditional social rules & body language, understanding his/her feelings, & sensory processing, which cause misunderstanding/miscommunication in relationships.
They also have difficulties interpreting nonverbal communication such as body language, facial expression & tone of voice, handling changes in routines, organization & prioritizing. Some of them may feel very intense emotions, but don’t show them in his/her face & have difficulties expressing them, because lack of emotion can anger his/her partner because of misinterpretation of him/her not taking care of his/her partner, which cause him/her to withdraw or leave because it’s unsafe.
Also, people with ASD are very passionate about his/her special interest and use intense amount of time & energy in it, which extends to their relationship. They also need time to process information around them, do/think the same things over & over, have difficulties communicating & interacting with others & understanding how others feel, hence the need of extra help in making friends & finding partners.
People with this disorder also prefer stability & familiarity and don’t respond well to changes, and maintain same interests & tastes for a long time, while neurotypicals change interests often.
Situations that are challenging for someone with this spectrum are social settings, since they need time for him/herself & time to engage in his/her special interests, group conversation, which is draining & bothersome for them to interact with others & stay engaged, as well as overstimulation due to sounds, textures, smells, etc, which impacts how he/she feels. In terms of feelings, they often experience stronger & deeper feelings and emotions compared to their neurotypical counterparts.
Romantic relationships are extremely complex & confusing for someone with autism since lots of them crave intimacy & love but don’t know how to achieve it in a romantic relationship due to his/her blindness to subtle social cues from his/her partner, which cause conflict between them and may hurt his/her partner’s feelings. A relationship, whether it’s romantic or friendship, requires complex & tedious work for them to communicate clearly, interpret signals effectively & understand if his/her feelings are reciprocated.
A misunderstanding between a person with autism & their partner is also expected since they don’t understand things to communicate with them, since they don’t pick up non-verbal communication. To deal with this, individual/couple’s counseling can help someone with ASD and his/her partner to become self-reflective and selfaware & understand each other’s wants & needs, since self-awareness is important in a relationship.
The challenges that someone with ASD has to deal with that affects their relationship with others include understanding appropriate behaviors in various settings such as in a date, understanding others’ intentions which can cause misinterpretation of someone’s friendliness as a romantic attention, understanding other’s reaction to his/her own behavior, confidence & managing anxiety in new & unfamiliar situations to meet new people, identifying each other’s desires, as well as rigidity & inflexibility.
Still, they have assets to give in a relationship, such as loyalty, honesty, reliability & commitment. They also talks whatever’s on their mind & their opinions on something. Having a relationship with someone with autism require patience, understanding & willingness to compromise. Someone within this spectrum also lack companionship, empathy, security & closeness to their friends & have difficulties internalizing others’ thoughts, feelings & needs due to their lack of self-awareness, which causes difficulties understanding the impact of their behavior to others.
This causes them to ask inappropriate questions/comments that can hurt others’ feelings, and increase the risk of bullying, hostility & isolation towards them. Flirting, which is normal for neurotypicals in a relationship, is complex & nonsense for someone with autism, since they have troubles at respecting others’ personal space & engaging in nonfunctional use of language, as well as lacking communicative, which hampers their progress for forming friendships & other relationships.
They also seem bizarre to others due to their lack of eye contact, robotic speech & inappropriate smiling, and their inappropriate social behaviors cause difficulties initiating/joining social activities.
Dating someone requires knowing someone else on a deeper level, which is hard for someone with ASD due to their lack of flexibility & executive functioning, as well as difficulties at handling overstimulation & handling with distractions.
They also had many unrewarding social interactions, which discourage further interactions & make them more introverted, which translates to increased risk of loneliness, anxiety, depression, decreased self-esteem & life satisfaction.
People within this spectrum are also more at risk for socially inappropriate behaviors such as stalking & public masturbation due to their lack of education on proper outlets to express sexual feelings, which increases the risk for inappropriate & unsafe behavior.
They also have an increased risk of being sexually victimized & abused since people in this spectrum are unable to understand social cues & decipher other people’s intentions. They also don’t understand sarcasm, subtext, or figures of speech, so clear, literal & plain language should be used in order to interact with someone with this spectrum & enough time should be given in order for them to respond.
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